I wasn’t sure whether to blog about this……

The last few weeks have been tough….really tough. I try everything I can to be positive but I cry a little almost every day.  Even in this blog, this faceless nameless blog I think sometimes I put on a front. Is it just me? If not why do we do this? Why do we always try and put on the brave face. So today I’m going to use this nameless faceless blog for what it’s for. I’m gonna talk about something I haven’t told anyone else but my husband.  Over the last few months I have had some pretty bad pain in my breasts in particular one. My left breast in recent months has changed in feeling beyond recognition. I put it all down to those wonderful drugs I’ve been taking for the last two years.  However last week when I was down London visiting my husband I felt more hard tissue than usual…..and a very small lump, my husband felt it also.  It’s almost like a very small pebble.  I made an appointment for the doctor straight away and I seen him Monday just gone. Anyway as it turns out the hard tissue and lumps are not in my head (I sometimes think I’m just a hypochondriac)and he made me an emergency appointment for a breast scan (mammogram) on Friday morning.  He reassured me this could merely be glandular but it’s started to effect me and scare me.  I have a long history of cancer effecting people young in my family even my own parents. Mam had cancer in her 20’s (cervical) and again just recently skin cancer and my dad died of cancer at only 52 so I feel a little shook up. My maternal grandmother also died of breast cancer after a ten year battle in her 50’s.  So all of this is floating around in my head.  BUT the first thing I thought about was FERTILITY.  What IF I do have something seriously wrong and I need treatment? I can’t get pregnant as it is what IF the choice of further treatments is taken away from me? I was up all night reading about breast cancer treatments and the effect of fertility. Most of it was positive there are loads of options but I’m frightened all the same. Maybe I’m jumping the gun like the doctor said it could be glandular! Am I being neurotic again? Am I worrying before I have to worry? I don’t know how much more my brain can take after these last few weeks. 

14 thoughts on “I wasn’t sure whether to blog about this……

  1. It’s very scary and one automatically thinks the worst. There are also lots of benign reasons for a lump, maybe a cyst or fibroadenoma. You’re doing the right thing and getting it checked ASAP. All the very best for Friday x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m an IVF Mum because of cancer….I only have half an ovary because ovarian cancer took the rest. I know a few breast cancer survivors who’ve gone on to have many kids. I’m praying for you

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh sweetie! That’s really tough stuff but I’m so very proud of you for making an appointment to check it out. It takes so much courage just to take that step. Just get yourself to Friday and then worry about what comes after that. Just like IVF, it’s one step at a time. Sending you all of my love and best wishes. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ah so sorry to hear this, it sounds like it is being checked out thoroughly though so you are on the best course of action. I went through a skin cancer scare recently so I can start to imagine how you must be feeling. What helped me was the worry ladder – i.e. if you’re worried about something then do something about it. Once you’ve done that action (like go to the doctor, seeing the specialist) then don’t worry until you need to make the next decision, otherwise you worry about things that might not need worrying about at all! Easier said than done, I know xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve had some breast scares and they are scary! I’m sorry you are going through this. My doc always says that breast pain along with a lump is actually a good sign, as most cancers are not painful. Hang in there. Hoping your mammogram is super smooth.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. So So sorry to hear you have to go through this fear and worry on top of all the infertility/ IVF bollocks… I really hope its nothing serious, and you will be able to forget about all this in a few days and move on… I know for now it will be impossible not to think about it and I think its something we all worry about to a degree when going through IVF and what effect these drugs have on our bodies… unfortunately its another one of those things we have to deal with. Wishing you all the best and know you are not alone xxx


  7. Oh my goodness, what a state you must be in. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It sounds so scary. I am thinking of you today and hope that it turns out to be benign. Sending you hugs. Xx


  8. I am so sorry you’re having to go through this. I would be scared and worried too. I think it’s perfectly normal for all those thoughts to be going through your head. Sending prayers and hoping for the best possible outcome!!!


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